0 Blogging About Autism: Tame the Devil

Wednesday, 18 November 2020

Tame the Devil


Tame The Devil





I was on the battlefront,

I took the brunt,

whilst my parents acted like kids. 

I was doing their bids.

 

Trying to tame the devil,

train him to not be evil.

Seeing the damage he could inflict,

trying my best to restrict.


Hoping he would develop a conscience,

his abusive words were constant. 


My mum always used his head injury to attempt to excuse it.

If it were that I wouldn't refuse it. 

I know this is not the case, 

I can't let the truth drift into space.


I am understanding and accepting of others, 

I wish she was right he was my brother.


I once loved and looked up to him

but he abused my trust in him. 


The night he molested me I was crying,

to cope I was really trying. 


I was being bullied badly in school,

I asked him what I could do?

I thought he would be there,

I thought he would care.


Instead he propelled me into unending despair,

looking back its so unfair.

In those next moments my world was a blur,

he had gotten me alone in his lair.


Before he did this I already felt so much despair, 

unhappiness was everywhere.


My other brothers appendix burst,

so to the hospital my parents rushed.

I didn't  yet know it but I had been left alone with evil.


He asked me sexually intrusive things,

Its hard to describe the pain this type of thing brings.

It torched normality, changed my reality.

It left me feeling so confused, 

looking back now I feel so used. 


He told me stories that were inappropriate,

my young mind couldn't cope with it.


I was still just a child,

the pain is not mild.


He told me to follow him to his room

I felt no impending doom.

As a child I didn't even understand 

but this I know now he had planned. 


I couldn't see he was using the computer in his room, 

as a way to access me and to groom.


He got me to follow him upstairs, 

what happened next on me it still wears.

From that moment on my life was in ruins, 

I didn't know then but more abuse was brewing. 


From age eleven to my early twenties I lived in despair,

the days went by like a blur.

My cries for freedom were met with being silenced,

attempts to acquire justice only met with violence.





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