0 Blogging About Autism: The Soul That Still Feels

Wednesday, 18 November 2020

The Soul That Still Feels

 I have PTSD it is not a choice.

To the people who tried to silence my voice.

Your cold reaction speaks to your inaction.

It says more about you than it does about me.


I might suffer but my soul it still feels. 

I need to move through it if I ever might heal. 


The times I was chastised for defending myself,

my feelings expected to be put on a shelf.


Trying to explain the pain,

feeling my sanity drain. 

Where are my parents?

here and yet they are not.


Faced with indifference, 

why the ignorance?

In response to my tears.

No one to take away my fears.


I loved them but they treated me like I wasn't there,

the pain is a lot to bear.


In front of them he called me a freak, 

sometimes a devil or sometimes weak.

Sometimes he called me a retard.

I know that he was a coward,

but the constant humiliation was hard.


Often so called family just laughed along,

his evil behaviour had a place to belong.

I guess the fact a child was suffering didn't matter,

not even if he left her mind in tatters.


Was I really so unimportant to them?

From this question stems so much pain.


How can they normalise that behaviour? 

If it were them and they were me, 

I would have been their saviour.


I wouldn't let anyone be treated this way,

how could they act like this was just a normal part of their day?


Mother felt she could decide what counted as pain,

tell you how you feel,

then place blame.


You are too sensitive,

you need to calm down.

Look your making people frown,

around these people in grief I would drown.


Why couldn't they see?

my soul he was murdering?

I guess I was there for just their unburdening. 


He could eat me alive,

my will to live he could deprive.

So long as they didn't have to confront him. 


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